Frankly Baking!

Mr. R. Candy, Vice President of INC (Italian Natural Cakes) in an elaborate interview on ADTV’s most popular show ‘Frankly Baking’.

Anchor:       Welcome Mr. Candy! It's great to have you on my show. I have always admired you and am really excited to be talking to you.

Mr. Candy:  (Nervous) Thank you very much for inviting me.

Anchor:       (Blushing) Before I start, I want to confess that I simply adore your dimples.

Mr. Candy: (Shocked) Who told you about Dimple?

Anchor:       (Giggling) I meant the dimples on your cheeks. Very cute!

Mr. Candy:  (Embarrassed) Ohh that? Thanks. Can we start the interview? And please ask only those questions for which I know the answers. I am extra careful after my last interview.

Anchor:       Sure! To start with, when and why did you decide to become a politician?

Mr. Candy:  When you were small, you must have said to yourself I want to do something. And then you decided to become a journalist. Why did you do that?

Anchor:       You are asking me the question.

Mr. Candy:  Yes, I am asking you a question, this is a conversation.

Anchor:       Because I enjoy being a journalist and also like to experiment a lot in the kitchen. It is a challenge. Now please tell me when and why did you decide to become a politician?

Mr. Candy:  Before I answer the question, I just want to ask you. When you were small did the thought of becoming good at journalism and also at cooking give you sleepless nights?

Anchor:       Actually, even today the thought of becoming good at cooking someday gives me sleepless nights! But let us talk about you. How did you get started?

Mr. Candy:  There you are! When I was a child, I saw my grandmother, father, mother, sister and all others always doing something worthwhile, something concrete. And I used to wonder what I can do that can be useful? I spent many years thinking about it, trying to find an answer. Finally, when I turned 35, Momma told me to stop thinking and join politics. I have taken my work very seriously and try to balance it with my passion of baking cakes.

Anchor:       I too love to bake cakes! But we will come to that later. How do you describe your USP?

Mr. Candy:  (Snaps back) You say that you admire me but you don’t even know the name of our political alliance!

Anchor:       (Confused) By USP I meant ‘Unique Selling Proposition’ and not your party.

Mr. Candy:  Ohh! But I do not sell anything.

Anchor:       I mean how do you market yourselves? Why should people vote for you?

Mr. Candy:  (Nonchalantly) Look at what we have done in the last 10 years. We want to empower people to change the system in the country. And specifically, we want to empower the women of India.

Anchor:       You are avoiding the question.

Mr. Candy:  No I am not avoiding the question.

Anchor:       So how will you change the way the system works in this country?

Mr. Candy:  Once the people are empowered, they will decide.

Anchor:       Don’t you think this is outright supercilious?

Mr. Candy:  (Pauses, looks at the anchor and is lost in deep thought for a while)

Anchor:       (Worried if she has annoyed him) Mr. Candy?

Mr. Candy:  (Sheepishly) What does ‘supercilious’ mean?

Anchor:       Never mind. Let me ask what you mean by ‘empowering women’

Mr. Candy:  Giving them more power. I have already discussed this idea with the Minister for Women’s Development and the Minister of Power.

Anchor:       (Exasperated) What have the Minister of Women’s Development and the Minister of Power got to do with women’s empowerment?

Mr. Candy:  Both are senior and experienced leaders and are jointly working on preparing a concrete proposal.

Anchor:       So we will get a white paper?

Mr. Candy:  Why do you want a white paper? You aren’t writing anything.

Anchor:       (Irritated but keeping her cool) A ‘white paper’ is a detailed proposal which helps readers to understand an issue and take a decision on it. Anyways, let us change track a bit. What do have to say about the KG Basin issue?

Mr. Candy:  Why are you interested in the wash basin of my KG school? I haven’t myself been there in more than 35 years!

Anchor:       (Trying hard not to laugh) I meant the oil discovery at the Krishna Godavari river basin.

Mr. Candy:  Ohh yes. I got confused because they both sound exactly the same!

Anchor:       How will you tackle the problem of increase in current account deficit?

Mr. Candy:  The deficit in current accounts can be tackled by empowering the people of the country to open more savings accounts.

Anchor:       The opposition always criticises you for faulty policies.

Mr. Candy:  None of my policies are faulty. I always pay the premium on time. 

Anchor:       (About to collapse) You are a powerful politician who can influence decisions in the party, government and parliament. But why do you openly oppose and reverse their decisions? Don’t they consult you beforehand?

Mr. Candy:  (With a victorious smile) This time I know which incidents you are referring to! In those cases, it took me some time to understand what my party colleagues actually had in mind. But as time was short, I gave my approval. I fully understood the matter when it was covered in the media and I acted immediately. I don’t believe in wasting time.

Anchor:       Talking about wasting time, why are so many bills pending in parliament?

Mr. Candy:  Look, I do not like to keep any bill pending. I will find out whose bills are pending and why? I strongly believe that all bills must be paid in time. There is no cash crunch in the government! Why make people wait for their hard earned money? I will personally ensure all pending bills are cleared today itself.

Anchor:       (About to faint) I am talking about the various legislations which the parliament is supposed to pass.

Mr. Candy:  Ohh those bills? Again it is confusing as both are called bills! All bills need a great deal of thinking and debates. And there are 543 members of the Lok Sabha. I think so many people thinking and deliberating over bills obviously takes time.

Anchor:       (Giving up) Let us talk on a lighter topic. You said baking is your hobby. You have also appeared on a TV cookery show.

Mr. Candy:  (Relieved) Yes that show “Pappu Can’t Bake Saala” generated good TRPs on Pogo Channel. 

Anchor:       How do you deal with failures? For instance, your cooking disaster on live TV was widely reported by the media. What went wrong?

Mr. Candy:  The channel told me that I would be baking a cake, so I prepared myself well for it. I learnt by heart everything - the ingredients, proportions, process and even my dialogues. I tried the cake five times the previous day and finally got it right. But when I reached the sets there was a change of plan and I was told to make Shaahi Paneer! Obviously, I wasn’t prepared for it, yet I put up a brave face and went for it. But in hindsight, I should not have baked the Shaahi Paneer in the oven at 450 degrees F.

Anchor:       (Trying to change the mood) Which is your favourite cake?

Mr. Candy:  (Beaming) My all time favourite is a cake called ‘IPC-302’.

Anchor:       What kind of name is that? What’s this cake about and why this name?

Mr. Candy:  IPC stands for Italian Potato Cake and 302 because it is my 302nd recipe.

Anchor:       (In admiration) So you formulated over 300 cake recipes? Wow!

Mr. Candy:  No! I have downloaded over 300 types of cake recipes from the net.

Anchor:       (Confused) Aren’t you supposed to create new cake recipes of your own? Are you scared of experimenting? Is it true that you avoid difficult or tough recipes?

Mr. Candy:  (Confidently) I experiment a lot! I am not scared of experimenting. I have made cakes which looked like fat uttappams and tasted like paneer parathas. But the problem is that I can showcase only the successful experiments before the world. And yes, I like dealing with difficult recipes. After all, someone else is going to eat the dishes! And if anything goes wrong, Momma can always find someone in the INC to take the blame!